Quest for Life!!

Now there is a word that tingles and excites the soul within me and pretty sure it does for many.
And I too, have had my share of the pleasures and the whims of the beautiful word. It can be worthwhile, exhilarating, exciting and deadly. For those who experience it, you know what it mean when I say deadly. **Wink.
Not that it literally means that it causes death.. then again yeah it gives you a heartache that it can be too excruciating than the pain of death. Well that was how it was for me. Because the thought that death was far more better than the heartache itself. I cannot compare what, how death would feel but I figured that could be a resolution to the pain because i didn't want to feel it.

Ok, lets not go back there, why, simply I have learned my lesson and decided to cherish those wonderful moments and keeping smiling to myself thinking it over and over.
Everyone has a past that could be bitter to the core, that sometimes they need to put it away (nicely wrapped, tucked into a box), instead of complaining about the pain and the deadliest (i know it sounds too harsh) encounter in my life.

Life is so like an unbalanced scale most of the time and the funny part is you can never guess which side is the heaviest and why is it so? Because you might end up thinking that the heavier must be the one which is heavy with all the bad memories. Such its heavy like your heart. The other side should be the lighter one because you have put everything away and thus light hearted moment starts.
At times, this will lead you to think about all the positive things that happen in your life might be greater and and at some instances it would be the other way round.

You might just end up at a crossroad thinking and thinking where and why there isn't anything positive or good happening to you...

Well, that's life! Sucks doesn't it.I know because that's how i feel.

However, those were the days where I always used to think that way. The same thought used to repeat itself and I would think that banging my head on the wall was the best way to seek an answer, where its always a futile attempt.
And at some point of time, well we move on. And yes it's taken me longer than it should be. I guess I'm still very skeptical and not too mention conventional too...
Maybe, the wall that's surrounding me keeps me away from everything.. Such as LOVE..Because some thinks the saddest part in my life. But its not for me. I've had fair share of turbulence's without the big letters.

Till recently, I met someone. Someone from a group of friends that I met him while on a road trip to National Park back here.
My oh my can he be a pain.. yes!!
Can he be a sweetheart, yes that too!!
And can he make you laugh?? Without a doubt!!!

Then again something just didn't click. What was it?? Then it me the whole thing reminded me of something.. Yes, its my past!!
Why?????

I guess there is just way to much similarity between the 2 of them, or maybe I see it as similarity or I'm looking for the similarity?

And I guess that was the reason I was attracted to him, which later I realized that it was merely a desperation of myself to fill in the gap that I was feeling...
Yes, after all I'm a normal human being and a women who is simply in her quest for life (which I just figured out)..

At the end of the day what I'm trying to say is that, life took me through many twist, turns, bumps, humps and God knows what else, just for the sake one word "love" and I just didn't have any luck with it...guess I'm just not destined for it or its not my time.

But i realized there is more to life... and now I'm in my Quest for thee!!

2012

The final or the end of the Mayan calendar. The prediction of many that the world would come to an end was revolving around everyones day to day life. And the hype media created to sell their stories were amazing.
I just can seem to fathom the insanity level but then again who am I to judge what others feel.
Everyone of us are an individual of own trades and feelings. And yes we are still alive and well and breathing. the world is still around!!!

As for 2012, it has been an amazing year for me, though it started with a lot of turbulence and heartache I never allowed it dissipate my spirit. There was a lot of stress at the begining of the year due to work and unwanted tension from some undesired and unwanted moron.. well its past and I'm glad. Then again, when I look back it helped me to understand things and people on a different level. People are not always what they seemed to be. Like what they say there is 2 sides to the coin... and I learned it the hard way.
I'm glad that phase of my life has moved on.

There was so many memorable moments, life wrecking one's...I wouldn't want to go in depth into all that. but I what I do know is that I have met some wonderful people and have done some really satisfying things. Thus, the year was really good to me.

I'm looking forward for better days ahead and for the first time ever I have come up with a list of things to do and accomplish this year.
I feel good about my list and I'm pretty determined to ensure I keep up to my promise and fulfill all the items in the list.
For a start giving up on my most loved food. Second, I'm going to back to school to complete some unfinished business and thirdly, my monthly donation commitment.
But I'm pretty determined that I will want to leave my life as it comes and enjoy the days with focus and determination..
Happy New Year everyone!!!