Quest for Life!!

Now there is a word that tingles and excites the soul within me and pretty sure it does for many.
And I too, have had my share of the pleasures and the whims of the beautiful word. It can be worthwhile, exhilarating, exciting and deadly. For those who experience it, you know what it mean when I say deadly. **Wink.
Not that it literally means that it causes death.. then again yeah it gives you a heartache that it can be too excruciating than the pain of death. Well that was how it was for me. Because the thought that death was far more better than the heartache itself. I cannot compare what, how death would feel but I figured that could be a resolution to the pain because i didn't want to feel it.

Ok, lets not go back there, why, simply I have learned my lesson and decided to cherish those wonderful moments and keeping smiling to myself thinking it over and over.
Everyone has a past that could be bitter to the core, that sometimes they need to put it away (nicely wrapped, tucked into a box), instead of complaining about the pain and the deadliest (i know it sounds too harsh) encounter in my life.

Life is so like an unbalanced scale most of the time and the funny part is you can never guess which side is the heaviest and why is it so? Because you might end up thinking that the heavier must be the one which is heavy with all the bad memories. Such its heavy like your heart. The other side should be the lighter one because you have put everything away and thus light hearted moment starts.
At times, this will lead you to think about all the positive things that happen in your life might be greater and and at some instances it would be the other way round.

You might just end up at a crossroad thinking and thinking where and why there isn't anything positive or good happening to you...

Well, that's life! Sucks doesn't it.I know because that's how i feel.

However, those were the days where I always used to think that way. The same thought used to repeat itself and I would think that banging my head on the wall was the best way to seek an answer, where its always a futile attempt.
And at some point of time, well we move on. And yes it's taken me longer than it should be. I guess I'm still very skeptical and not too mention conventional too...
Maybe, the wall that's surrounding me keeps me away from everything.. Such as LOVE..Because some thinks the saddest part in my life. But its not for me. I've had fair share of turbulence's without the big letters.

Till recently, I met someone. Someone from a group of friends that I met him while on a road trip to National Park back here.
My oh my can he be a pain.. yes!!
Can he be a sweetheart, yes that too!!
And can he make you laugh?? Without a doubt!!!

Then again something just didn't click. What was it?? Then it me the whole thing reminded me of something.. Yes, its my past!!
Why?????

I guess there is just way to much similarity between the 2 of them, or maybe I see it as similarity or I'm looking for the similarity?

And I guess that was the reason I was attracted to him, which later I realized that it was merely a desperation of myself to fill in the gap that I was feeling...
Yes, after all I'm a normal human being and a women who is simply in her quest for life (which I just figured out)..

At the end of the day what I'm trying to say is that, life took me through many twist, turns, bumps, humps and God knows what else, just for the sake one word "love" and I just didn't have any luck with it...guess I'm just not destined for it or its not my time.

But i realized there is more to life... and now I'm in my Quest for thee!!

Giving is the ultimatum

In Hinduism, we believe that giving makes you a better person and that the deed is considered to be the highest level of great deed, one which adds to your list of "dharmam" and instant reduction on your "karma's". In hinduism, the dharma and karma are opposite of each other, basically its the shadow of one another. You can see the consequences of your action form into the other (like when the sun shines upon karma, only dharma's shadow will be seen and vice versa).
In one of part of the Mahabharatam during the Kurukshetra war, Karnan's generosity will be brought to limelight and it will garner him popularity as well as the sighthing of the great krishna's vishwaroopam.. (Well, who wouldn't want to have a glimpse of the greatest god). and Karnan was and is remembered and talked for all his good deeds, as well as his courage.

(My understanding is mainly based from a movie and some online reading so to speak.)

Well that's an old story!!!

What about the new one's.. there are many good Samaritan's out there aren't they? And are you one of them?
Well I'm not, or should I say yet to be one of them. 

Some people think, if they are willing to fork out some $$$ from their pocket that can be a wealthy donation and it should reach to some needy kids or orphans and that they have achieved the "dharmam" requirement in their life and that they will be secured for all their karma's. Is it that true????
For some they think it is still not within their capacity to do the dharma, as they have more time ahead of the days and they would do it soonest possible. Sadly I'm pretty much falling into this category. Why??? My humanly desire's, greed and other not so good attribute refrains me from doing it. And yes, there is always tomorrow or the next month, where I could, would and must spare my pay check.
But on the contrary however, there's been some (very minimal in fact) instances, where I have fairly (my discretion mind it) done my part of the good quest to the needy one's.
But is that enough for me to personify my personality to represent the character of an Ultimate Giver..Well I'm not sure!!!
But i do know that it gives a god damn well satisfied grin on the faces of those who does it much regularly, more generously and what more without any reservation so to speak.

What If

What if you find a cockroach or a fly in your food while you are eating?
Will you still continue to eat?
I know its gross and yack's, But it is a reality check, considering we do not have the privilege of dining at a 5* at all available and possible instances.
It can happen to anyone specially if you were a regular diner at the street side stalls, the Chinese coffee shops, the normal restaurants...
I know its not hygienic at all but sometimes, that's the common site we see around town, specially in KL.
Well, then again it doesn't mean that its dirty and the food is unhealthy.
Its just sometimes the real deal comes from such places and the package is pretty good.

Coming back to my question, would you or would you not eat your food if you find some unwanted visitors in it.
Well it happened to me, last week during lunch.
In fact it has happened on many occasion and I just never bothered much to make fuss about it.
My colleagues and I dropped by to this Chinese coffee shop @ hawker food restaurant.(whatever you call it).
We drove there, as we do not have much choices inside our office premises.
I ordered my favorite, Seafood Noodles soup. The only food I like to eat there.
Its prepared by this old Chinese man, it's an odd feeling I have when I see him. Am not sure if its pity, sympathy or what? Because I feel, he seems a bit too old to work and yet he cooks the food and serve it everyday. And he does it pretty well too.
Its interesting to see him prepare the food at his own rhythm.
My food arrived after 10min, I quickly scooped spoonful and started indulging. half way thru I realized there was a dead fly inside my food.
I was shocked and was pretty worried what if the food is contaminated with virus or something.
Then I looked up and my colleagues were enjoying it they meal with no issues.
I looked at the stall owner this old Chinese man, then I scooped the fly out of my bowl and put it in a dish beside my food plate.
I made sure no one saw what I did and I continued to eat.
I wasn't sure why I continued to eat but after we left the shop I started thinking it over again and realize, I was worried to make a fuss in front of people and was worried for the old Chinese man. Was thinking what will happen if I were to complaint, thus I refrain myself from doing it.

And I also thought of the possibility of me falling sick and the odds were low.
First because the fly would have been dead by the time it fell into the hot soup, 2nd the surrounding area of the restaurant is a pretty decent and clean housing area. Its very unlikely the fly was carrying any dirt in it.
Thus, I thought it would be slightly impossible for me to get contaminated with any virus and the worse thought was "I would just vomit and/or have fever"..that's what crossed my mind.
I was shocked with my nerve but guess what it worked and luck was on my side.
Its like more than a week now and there was no extraordinary situation within me.

I'm not sure if its the right thing but thus far, I've no issues. I know some people who are so paranoid over small issues and thinks of all the impossible things when this kind of things were to happen.
Well I can't help it but think otherwise.
On numerous occasions, I will also not hesitate to eat something that spilled on the table.

Dreams...what are they???

I'm not certain how one perceives Dream.


A brief explanation from the web in Wikipedia says the below...

Dreams are successions of images, ideas, emotions, and sensations that occur involuntarily in the mind during certain stages of sleep. To read more, refer to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dream...

This is merely a subject to read and believe or is it experiencing it to believe?? What do you think?

But I mean how does one believe it by experiencing it? It is a very subjective matter, if you ask me...Right?

But I would certainly agree that it plays an imperative part in our life. Wouldn't you?
There is many, absolutely many reference based on my "Google" look up recently.. And yeah there was also a short write up in Yahoo website as well. Read on. (it’s like they knew I needed a tip on the subject. Thanks Yahoo! http://health.yahoo.net/experts/dayinhealth/dream-mysteries-decoded

The reference to this article is related with proof and description of actual events depicting the correlation of dreams in our daily life. It’s fascinating because when you think you are an idiot in a way, the Internet comes as a survival kit because it has abundance of information especially for dummies like me...

Apart from today, I remember "googling" for reference once when I was quite puzzled over a dream I had one night. It was so surreal and vivid that it actually gave me goose bumps.
It was about maggot infesting my surrounding and they were all over me and my surrounding.. Gross right, unimaginable.. I know! I woke up with sweat and a total eerie feeling.
Like my body is full of dirt and I had to immediately take shower at the middle of the wee hours of morning, about 4 or 5am to wash off the feeling of it from me.
Only after a while did it struck me that I'm actually dreaming...when I woke up with an uproar in my head.

Based on my reference reading (which I can’t remember clearly- I have poor memory at times), the dream refers to uncertainty of events happening in one's life that causes many commotion at a certain time emotionally without us being aware of it. It happens in our unconsciously.

It actually refers to emotional roller coaster one is going through in their life that it is transitioned in their dream telling them CHILL!!.. Something to that effect.
Many of times, some say they cannot re-call of dreaming at all (I know of only one person who said that, and I still doubt the legitimacy of the matter and many other things he/she says). He/She refers of not dreaming at all at any point of time in the entire lifetime. How could that be? Is that possible, I’m not sure? Even if it is I can never trust the source for the matter, well that is a different story entirely.

For some they would have and will be able to describe in explicit details about their dreams and it would linger to them forever.
Well there are some for me as well, which I can remember like forever and ever...Is it because I choose to remember it. I'm not sure as well... is there any logic behind this? Please enlighten me...

Well to be precise on my reason to put up this blog is, out of the usual practice I had my short afternoon nap during the weekend and all I had when I woke up is fear with uneasiness over a dream.

It hardly happens to me because I’m not the sort who gets nightmares and goes running to someone for consoling... I cannot recall of such things happening to me... not that I’m trying to be the macho type but I’m more of the practical type and seriously can’t remember of such events.

Anyways the dream was related to me directly and the first part of it was actually a very uncomfortable one. It goes like this, I'm losing my teeth one by one, it sort of falling off from my gums while I’m brushing my teeth. I was chagrin of it. How will I smile, how will I show my face to my friends and family, and what will I do? Where is the best doctor for me to get this fixed?
Can you believe it? I can remember it from my dream!
Oh Yes I can remember, beauty is priceless and the fear of losing it can be unnerving. Especially if it’s losing the precious little teeth.

Following it I was in a temple and I was sleeping (in my dream mind it). And I’m dreaming in it while I’m sleeping or was it I’m having a premonition, can’t recall which is which now? (I learned the word from the famous series Charmed. The famous Halliwell Sisters who had witchcraft power where they could slay vampires, demons, warlocks & etc with their super natural powers with the aid of the Book of Shadows). I was a devoted fan of these series.

How I wish it was real and we all had the privilege to this.

Anyways, coming back to my dream @aka premonition, I was screaming over something that happened to someone in my family, I can’t remember who it is now. And I woke up to a little tap on my shoulder by my nephew.

It was very bizarre to wake up thinking I was actually dreaming in my dream.

I could not grasp why and what such dream meant but it gave me a very restless feeling whenever I think of it. I’m not the kind to be affected by such things, yet it did..

First Attempt

Well, this should be a new adventure. I have no interest with blog but lately looking at the ever growing and interesting blog sphere on the net. I had this urge in my mind *WHY NOT?*. I guess it is to spill my mind and words out to see where it could lead me too...

Wa laaaa..So here I am, with my first ever blog.

A friend of mine posted on his FB wall on his predicament of understanding whether we have the control of our fate and if it can be controlled?
There was a lot of interesting posting done by his friends, some really funny ones.
I also tried to relate it to a conversation I recently had with an acquaintance over some drinking session in Damansara.
Well we had this small argument sake conversation that we pretty much talked about how Hinduism is perceived and related to one's life and after life. He had this interesting fact, saying that our life is very much depicted in relation to another person's life. How do we prove it?

In Indian/tamil culture in ancient days, the Nadi astrology has been vastly believed and it is something written on palmyra leave (referred to google not sure if it's the right word) that will have short notes that explains one's life. This note(s) will pretty much match one's life very accurately. However, there are instances this can be varied. In order, to match one's life, the astrologer will have to find one after another the notes by reading it one by one. *its a tedious and long process I heard*

In this notes there will be some fascinating facts, which some will find to their astonishment to be very true and some might not be. If its found not to be true or does not match, this astrologer will have to find the next most accurate note. 

This will go on and on till the recent and future incidents in life matched to the person. And for some they will take this as a guidance for their life ahead.

I can say this, as my own twin sister had the real life experience in India some time back. 

But how is it possible for one person to tell us, on what happened (past) in our life (be it very personal or general ones) based on some notes written on a leave that dates back to hundreds of years. 

*The conclusion from this is that, our life's are clustered based on the generic incidents that has happened in people's life in the past. 

Based on what I heard and seen this might be true, but whether I believe it or not, it is sincerely yet to be confirmed as I have not experienced it myself. 

I have googled some reference reading in the internet that is pretty much interesting. Happy reading. 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nadi_astrology

http://www.nadi-astrology.org/

Moving to the question of the day, I do believe that one has the potential of carving his own fate and life. For instances, I claimed to have experienced a bad morning and decided to be moody throughout the day without acknowledging anyone for the entire day. I choose to isolate myself by switching my Hand phone off. What will happen if there is a potential prospect for a new job, new friend or something rather beneficial for me. I will loose it, right. 

But what if I decided to change my perception over the morning incident and let it pass and live the life as normally I would. During this time, will I be losing the opportunity that's coming way? I believe NO. 

Hence, I would say I do have control over of my life and fate.